PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!


DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be over reacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate


DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.


13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

WHAT IF DADS RAISED THE KIDS

DOCTORS EMBARRASSING MOMENTS!!!!

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

FACTS ON FARTS

By BRENNA LORENZ
http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

HOW TO ARGUE WITH GUYS

Step 1. Hide the remote. Guys hate having to pay attention and think about things. It’s much more comfortable for them to sweep things under the rug, and you know that is generally as close to a broom as they get.
Step 2. Pretend to compromise. Guys generally don’t think too far in advance. Their attention span is short, so it’s easy to get them to think that you’ve capitulated when you’ve actually got them to do what you want by massaging their egos. Remember: The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck, and the neck can turn the head any way she wants.
Step 3. Dig up ancient history. Don’t forget to bring up all of the things he’s done that’s even remotely similar to whatever is pissing you off today. This is one of the things guys tell each other women do all the time. Why disappoint them? Especially since you probably have years worth of stuff to throw back up…even though you’ve only been together for about a year.
Step 4. Use Strategy. Plan all arguments around major sporting events. Always plan to make your point about a minute before the game. He will give in to all demands.
Step 5. Don’t let him interrupt you. Talk louder if you have to. Yell if you have to. Combine this with step 3 to totally frustrate him and shut him up. Without the remote (see step 1) he won’t know what to do. If you’re lucky he’ll leave in frustration and you’ll be able to watch Desperate Housewives in peace.
Step 6. Take a cheap shot. Make some sort of reference to his mother. Call him a "Mama’s boy". Mention "Apron strings". Guys hate any reference to being attached to their mothers. It flips some sort of switch that turns them into 12 year olds.
Step 7. Have Patience. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with him. This drives guys nuts because they think that you’re the one dying to talk to them. If you do answer, answer by using a really happy voice saying "Hi (some other guys name)", and when he says it's him, change your tone to disappointment. They hate that.
Step 8. Compare his technique with your ex-boyfriends. It throws him off his game. He’ll be consumed with thinking back on what he’s doing that is wrong, which will enable you to move in for the kill.
Step 9. Be vague. Let him know you are angry, but when he asks why just tell him "You know why!" or “If I have to tell you…” He is guilty of at least a dozen infractions at any given time and this will throw him off as he tries to figure out the exact thing you’re referring to.
Step 10. Cry. If you find yourself cornered, cry. It automatically puts him on the defensive. Accuse him of being mean and hurting your feelings. When combined with step 7, you may be able to get him to fetch things for you for days

CAPTION THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wat kindaa frnds she has got????????

HOW TO IMPRESS.....

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up naked,
Bring beer.

Bad Dad

Mission Green Earth

Art of living has come up with a project called d 'Mission Green Earth' starting on 15th aug 2008..as v all kno abt how much v r being affected by d global warming,so dis project has been started 4 global cooling..dis project is not just about planting a tree but...but adopting 1...bringing up d tree jus as ur little one...
all u ppl reading dis article..pls adopt a tree,or a plant...u r so fortunate dat u hav got a chance 2 do something 4 r earth..r motherland..its infact 4 r living..r future generations...
there's one more interesting thing u can do..adopt a tree/plant nd post its picture on http://www.standuptakeactionaolun.com/
u can post as many pictures as u want..for eg: 1 day old or 1month old or 1yr old..as ur tree is growing ,u can click its pictures nd upload..
u can even name ur tree nd give it.. ur surname..for eg: i name my plant TEASHA POOJARI..
isnt it amazing???i feel on top of d world that i hav got a chance 2 do something 4 my land..so jus do it..
as sri sri ravi shankar says: d gud always sit nd think,d bad jus do it
so now v gud ppl hav 2 do it....jus do it....